The Secret Map

Transient Beauty

April 12, 2014
“Nothing is static. Everything is evolving. Everything is falling apart.”
Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club.

The above statement was made by the character Tyler Durden in the novel and film Fight Club.

Nothing is static. Certainly not in Seoul, a city whose internal cogs move so rapidly it seems there is no brake lever. This concept applies to South Korea’s seasons: distinct, yet over-weighted by the lengthy humidity of summer and vast, icy stretch of winter.

Spring? It’s gone in an instant.

When the first warm winds blow in to loosen winters’ icy grip, Korea’s colours burst into bloom.

Fresh liquor bottles sprout up on the country’s convenience store patios. The unveiling of flesh in the younger generations are reverse-mirrored by the visor – gloves – floral pajama combos of the ubiquitous ‘ajjuma’ – older ladies.

Bright floral displays are frantically sewn into Seoul’s drab grey uniform. One flower, though, bursts into the public’s consciousness above them all and becomes the talk of the town.

The cherry blossom.

At the base of Mount Ansan, northeast Seoul, the cherry trees have been meticulously plotted to give a full immersive dive into an ocean of white waves.

Ansan’s entrance has been crafted as a perfect leisure experience. Classical music emanates from fake rocks, waterfalls descend down carefully placed rocks – the biggest one of flowing at designated times.

Everything in it’s right place.

Between the education academies, themed entertainment venues and closely monitored weekend activities, growing up in Seoul resembles Ansan’s nature garden.

Where are the kids running wild, unsupervised, on adventures of their own? Here they’re doing extra homework for their extra class in their extra whatever.

Human life, like much of Korea’s natural environment, is sculpted, overseen, plotted.

Still, the instant access to city mountains like Ansan give them some freedom to play.

“A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection”, Tyler muses.

We may not be in the same place with the same people or even be around to experience them the next time they appear, but that is the natural law of impermanence.

Nature offers plenty, but it gives no guarantees.

Life can descend as rapidly as it emerges.

When the soft, snow white confetti sprinkle onto the hard, uncaring concrete, we’re reminded once again that nature can be a cruel mistress, offering up her most prized charms but for an instant before wrapping herself firmly in her familiar robe of green.

“You are not special. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else”, Durden says.

In a country saturated by skin creams, infatuated with surgery, and fishing for the ever-illusive catch of perfection, perhaps we can learn something from this fleeting flower.

Skin-deep beauty, like the rest of nature, is transient; prone to brief displays of magnificence whilst in a constant state of flux. Observing this in the natural world let’s us reflect upon our own temporal existence.

So don’t frown as the flowers fall, for their beauty can surely be appreciated fully because of their brevity.

Were the spectacle not so brief, there would be less spender. Acknowledge any moments of perfection – be it the sight of a cherry blossom tree or any other passing occurrence.

After all, nothing is static,. Even the Mona Lisa, Tyler says, is falling apart.

This was part 3 of the Beauty series on Ansan mountain. Click for parts 1 and 2.
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A Passage to Seoul

April 6, 2014
“A city isn’t so unlike a person. They both have the marks to show they have many stories to tell. They see many faces. They tear things down and make new again.”
― Rasmenia Massoud, Broken Abroad

Quickly, quickly. That’s the Korean motto.

Things move fast in Seoul. In a country that restructured a post-war economy with unrelenting haste, life in the big city can be exhausting. Hordes of commuters spill out of subway carts entranced in a smartphone hypnosis, subliminally bombarded by billboards telling them how or who to look like.

Metal chariots rally round corners in perpetual loops of fury, thundering into pit stops with an urgency mirroring the city’s meteoric rise to riches.

Like the faces of so many people here, iconic symbols like Gyeongbukgong Palace are revisions of the original. The main gate, like so many historic attractions in Korea, is a reconstruction of former grandeur. Material beauty needs maintenance, as the booming cosmetics and plastic surgery industry here attests to.

South Korea sprang to prominence in modern times out of a fiercely competitive spirit. “Fighting!” is another motto.

What Korea’s ubiquitous mirrors, direct comments on one another’s physical appearance and necessity of a resume photo all imply is that first impressions don’t just count – they can be a deal breaker.

To get a true feel for this complex city, it helps to step away from the carnival and take a peek behind the curtain. To remove the city’s makeup and see the visible signs of graft and grit that cultivated such a bold and ambitious gal.

Seoul’s intertwining, weathered, rusting alleys can shed some light. The bygone-era feel of the lanes of Chungmuro aren’t consciously catering to the aesthetic sensibilities of passers by. They aren’t on a tourism map. The film studios of old have packed their bags and chased the Gangnam dream. Yet these hardy ventricles are part of a living entity that echo decades of productive endeavor igns of developmental modifications are seen everywhere. From the infusion of American culture and business models to the motorbikes here in Chungmuro, the evolution of the city has produced hybridity on every level of society. These custom-made bike/trailer mutations have sprung up all around the city but seem to be the exclusive transport of choice for the printers, whose shops dominate the landscape here. Evolving out of practical necessity, they are small enough to navigate the narrow lanes and fast enough to supply their goods around town with haste.

Beaming barber poles sprout from dimly-lit doorways like emerging buds after a harsh winter. To some, a sign of salvation, others, a monument to lost love. These poles echo the tales of a thousand adulterous men, some regulars, others merely ships passing the night.

The women within might tell you a tale of their importance in the country’s growth, of how they kept these same customers spirits high throughout the day.

The rotating batons may have been the beacons of hope to a hopeless existence under the iron fist of military rule.

Seoul wears many unique and vibrant masks for her guests and hosts alike. Just like her people, desperate to put their best face forward, she also has her fair share of cracks and visible signs of struggle.

How the light enters the void can illuminate her essence. Here in the hidden alleys, where the fading natural light of dusk flirts with the artificial beams of print shop windows, lamps, and flickering neon of the alleys, is where the core of her hardy old soul shines true.

There’s beauty in her decay, and of course material beauty will eventually come to pass. A young girl, striding slowly twixt the fade and rust, sparks the scene into new life. Anything with a soul can be revived and resuscitated, regenerated anew like the city itself rising defiantly from the war-torn ashes.

Emerging from the enclaves into the early evening night, modern Seoul reveals herself briefly. We cross over the Cheonggye, a river, a main vein of Seoul recovered from concrete highway obscurity. It’s revitalization wasn’t cheap, nor is it’s maintenance, but it’s now easier on the eye. This city has a propensity for changing faces.

Now we flow into that most vital organ of Seoul, Gwang Jang Market, containing hundreds of steaming, crackling, open-air food stalls. The oldest remaining market in the country is serviced by that lifeblood, the backbone, the very heart of the nation: the Ajumma. These tenacious ladies have given their life for the nation, and, as familial bonds break apart, many of them aren’t going to be hanging their visor up any time soon.

Ajjumas hustle hard.

Heavily made-up with sometimes dyed, but always permed hair, the elderly women of Korea attempt to defy their own natural decay in their own way. The lady above, with her eyelid surgery and possible botox, showing that personal modifications aren’t merely for the young.

Divorce rate is increasing in Korea and business is always booming in Gwang Jang. Some of these old girls aren’t just frying up intestines, they’re looking for love. One person’s steel-elbowed subway nemesis is an ajjeossi’s potential mate.

Looking good behind a severed, hollowed-out pigs head or a steaming bowl of insect stew could be as appealing to an older gentleman as the basket wielding make-up girls of Myeong-dong to the androgynous, polished pretty boys that make up the young.

The green bottle that fuels them all: Soju encapsulates the “bali bali” quickly, quickly culture of which all Koreans are embedded. Quickly made, quickly drank; work hard, drink harder. Repeat.

In the race for modern civilization, the industrial age fired many nations off to a rapid, if clumsy start. Seoul’s the dark horse that just came from behind – soju, it’s rocket fuel.

One of the oldest cooks, above, toils with her speciality pancake, a fusion of spinach and seafood. Her hardened, oily hands may barely feel pain these days, but the distinct, flawless nose amongst the tethered wrinkles of cheek and brow alludes to something deeper.

Is this yet another grizzled ajjuma who accepted her place in society, or did she aspire to be more than merely a producer of pancakes? Did her surgery facilitate past adventures? Romances? Business ventures? Or was she merely conforming to the standards being set for her, as the perm and floral print so often are an indication of.

The chase of success and recognition here in Korea is not without casualties. The Chaebol-dominated ultra-competitive landscape, suicide rates, wide-scale depression and dehumanizing education system are all connected, and are all symptoms of a society trying to break the chains of it’s impoverished past. Eggs are being broken to make this omelet, and the discarded shells are barely being acknowledged before being swept away in pursuit of the task at hand.

To understand Korea’s urgency to succeed, and to explore the ways in which Seoul and her people have metamorphosed through constant and rapid adaptation is to gain a wider appreciation for a woman who isn’t going to drop her clothes for you after a few shots of soju. You need to play the long game.

To understand this city and her ambitions a little more is to comprehend her struggles, and if you haven’t been a part of that story, it will take time, apathy and ultimately, respect, to appreciate her for who she is, however briefly it may be.

She may never tell you the whole story, but that’s ok.

The mystery is alluring.

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A Portrait of Kansai

January 29, 2014
Kansai is a region that stems from the metropolis of Osaka and spreads out to the the prefectures of Nara, Kyoto, Kobe, Wakayama and more.

I’d missed the area and it’s people since my last visit a year prior. The following photographs were taken over a week on the turn of 2014.

To begin the trip, it was impossible not to return to Nara, Japan’s ancient capital.

It was New Year when I saw this boy was with his family. His father, originally from Nara, had bought them on vacation from Tokyo to his former hometown. After walking past them and doing a double take, I immediately backtracked to chase this young master down.

Todai-ji, the biggest wooden building in the world, housing the world’s largest bronze buddha, is one of seven UNESCO World Heritage listed buildings in Nara. This gargantuan structure was a humbling sight even on a repeat visit.

The Sika deer that roam freely in Nara are thought to be messengers of the Shinto gods. The vast amount of them combined with their friendly nature as they intertwined with the mossy surroundings makes exploring Nara a uniquely enchanting experience.

Nara Deer Park contains many quaint thatched roof houses. The Legend of Zelda music automatically plays in my head as I stroll through these parts.

Nara’s ‘primeval forest’ is truly otherworldly. It’s no wonder the Japanese have created such imaginative works of fiction when you can wander into the woods and see the such fantastical natural developments like this twisted old tree.

On the streets of Hyogo, Kobe, Japan’s biggest sake producing area, I came across these Pomeranians. Living, breathing, teddy bears. East Asia loves their toy dogs. You know you want one.

I love the cuboid designs of modern Japanese architecture like the one above. It’s like being inside a Nintendo game when walking the streets in Japan.

We found these wheels down an alley in Kobe city center. It’d been ticketed and clamped. Definitely not street legal but nonetheless legit.

There’s so much wealth on display in Kobe – a surprisingly beautiful city for it’s lack of international attention that contains an array of exquisitely well-preserved colonial European architecture.

This resident was about to take his Bentley for a spin.

Before taking off, he showed us what kind of bike he rode when he fancies two wheels by proudly displaying his midlife crisis ring.

The chef above is cutting up ‘Kobe Beef’, the local speciality made from cows that are massaged with sake and fed beer. It’s this luxurious treatment of livestock that ensures the very cheapest price you will find in town for a strip as thin as the one he is cutting up is 30 dollars. 100 bucks a steak is standard.

Perhaps it’s the reds in the image, but you just know grandma here had her fill of red meat at the same restaurant.

Kobe’s Chinatown is a food extravaganza. The most notable of what was on display were these ‘We’re too cute to eat’ dumplings.

One of my favorite pictures from this trip is of the girl above, who was with her family on New Years Eve shopping for fresh fish dinners at a supermarket in Kobe. Adorably, she stopped and waved with that amazing smile whenever I passed her in the aisles afterward.

Back in Osaka for New Years Day, those fried tentacles aren’t going to sell themselves. Octopus balls, known as Takoyaki, are delicious. The Shinsekai neighborhood of Southern Osaka has Takoyaki restaurants in abundance.

On my second visit to this sushi restaurant in as many days. I was slightly overwhelmed that they’d all remembered my name. “Simon, Simon!” they shouted upon my entrance. As I took a seat, once again, as if to confirm they had it right, they asked “Simon?” – to which I gave a pleasingly ‘local cred’ nod.

Taking off my jacket and rolling up my sleeves, I looked up to notice a plate had already been served. I threw a glance to the chef. “Salmon!”, he said with a knowing smile on his face.

Getting lost in translation never tasted so good.

Osaka’s residents are thought to be much more open and spontaneously welcoming than their Tokyo counterparts – the latinos of Japan, so to speak.

This guy jumped off his bike, kebab in hand, and immediately started chatting away. In fact, he was so hyper-vocal and excited that before he knew it i’d taken him off to the side to strike a pose. He didn’t seem to have any social barriers whatsoever, as if he’d stumbled upon us in the early hours of a festival.

I love the Japanese spirit.

This was the first photo I made on the trip, at the center of Shinsekai in Osaka. It’s a vibrant area that wouldn’t be out of place as the Japan setting in a Street Fighter game.

The boy above had just put a penny in the cup of a man dressed as Miyazaki’s Porco Rosso. From a frozen position, he’d moved into a handshaking posture once the boy dropped a coin in, then didn’t let go of his grasp.

I waited just a minute by the colorful shutters above to snap someone who looked interesting. This guy was more than obliging to be a temporary model and fit in with the background colours. With his mustache, bright clothes and optimistic glint in his eyes, he himself could be a Miyazaki creation.

In contrast, the man above, although friendly and open to being photographed, was more representative of the older generation that linger in the unseen parts of Shinsekai, beyond the boutique shops and kitsch restaurants. There are a lot of elderly men in these parts loitering, drinking, smoking and spending their days between the sidewalk, pachinko parlors, karaoke bars and alcohol vending machines.

With Japan’s negative growth rate and increasingly expanding pensioner population, this is going to be an even more common sight in the future.

It was early afternoon on New Years Day, I didn’t have to wait long here to capture the first customer. I call this ‘The Casual Exit’ – it would have been the perfect crime had I not pressed a button on my phone that immortalizes him forever on the internet. Let’s hope his grandchildren don’t see this.

Where better to cleanse the soul than a New Year’s temple chanting. I hope the otherwise distinguished gentleman previously mentioned took himself to Shinsekai’s local temple, and one of Osaka’s most famous, Shitenno-ji, after his morning digression.

Not far from Shitenno-ji is a row of temple-bearing cemeteries multifarious in design yet uniformly beautiful. Chopped bamboo shoots line the entrance to the wooden slat doors above, overseen by Totoro.

Nipponbashi, aka ‘Den Den Town’, is a haven for geeks of games and girls, and increasingly games of girls. The ‘otaku’, Japanese for ‘geek’, store worker above shows off one of countless relics of video game history in a specialist button basher shop there.

The proud kimono wearing couple above were walking through the subway when I approached them, assumedly on their way back from or to a temple to ring in the New Year on January 1st.

This elegant girl was on her way back from Kyoto to her parents’ house in Osaka. A native of the city, she was vacationing from Tokyo where she works 12 hour days in a bank just to pay the bills.

Her traditional look caught my eye as she stood in front of an ultra-modern trio of girls on a subway billboard.

On the subway I saw this couple who were returning from Universal Studios. Their hats were completely outrageous.Where are they going to wear those? Oh, we’re in Japan.

As the night falls on Osaka, it’s science fiction elements begin to shine.

Tokyo has no answer to the sheer velocity of stimuli that is thrown at you in central Osaka, The masses of human traffic shifting through endless neon and giant mechanical crabs, dragons and sushi pieces all battling for attention sends dazzles your senses.

It’s maddening. It’s surreal. It’s why you bought that plane ticket.

The guy above is a pimp who operates on the bridge by the famous Glico Man. Unlike neighboruding South Korea, where prostitution has been driven indoors, Osaka by night is awash with nefarious activity on the streets.

To be able to ride a bike from a lush, mossy, primeval forest to being in one of the most intense sensory urban experiences in the world within an hour is a testament to Japan’s focus on preserving traditions while fostering it’s modern advancements.

Japan as a society is not faring well these days. The younger population as well as the overall economy needs growth. Regular natural disasters add convenience to the situation.

The spirit of the people, however, is as strong as ever. From what i’ve encountered in my short trips there, it seems there’s no shortage of human energy that made this place what it is today.

I can only hope that the country can adapt and recover at the speed needed in these increasingly accelerated modern times.

A version of this photo essay was featured at Busan Maps Magazine.

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Embrace your Inner Evil

January 18, 2014
Wisdom is the knowledge of good and evil, not the strength to choose between the two. John Cheever Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/good_and_evil_2.html#rMK9PcgYdEJGekvz.99

If time is not real, then the dividing line between this world and eternity, between suffering and bliss, between good and evil, is also an illusion. Herman Hesse Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/good_and_evil.html#Z76jZSIigQJbyQAC.99

Wisdom is the knowledge of good and evil, not the strength to choose between the two. John Cheever Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/good_and_evil_2.html#rMK9PcgYdEJGekvz.99

Wisdom is the knowledge of good and evil, not the strength to choose between the two. John Cheever Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/good_and_evil_2.html#rMK9PcgYdEJGekvz.99

“If time is not real, then the dividing line between this world and eternity, between suffering and bliss, between good and evil, is also an illusion.” Herman Hesse

“All human beings are commingled out of good and evil.” Robert Louis Stevenson

I’m Evil. Not Hitler evil, but definitely somewhat evil.

Let me explain. When another Simon passes through a particular social circle of mine, my friend distinguishes us as ‘Good Simon’ and ‘Evil Simon’.

I’m always Evil Simon.

I don’t think i’m the devil’s spawn, yet whenever i meet the aforementioned ‘Good Simons’, my place on the light/dark spectrum quickly becomes apparent. They’re just so….nice!

Yet was I truly an evil person? It was with my accuser, my American friend Kevin that I ventured with to the Buddhist hilltops of Koyasan in Wakayama, Japan, where meditations on good and evil were to be examined, as they had been for over a millennia.

We headed straight to the epic Okunoin, the largest cemetery in Japan which boasts over 200,000 giant tombstones and mausoleums enclosed within a forest of towering cedarwood trees.

The monk that founded the area as a religious site in 816 is now considered to be resting here in eternal meditation, awaiting the ‘Buddha of the Future’, as he meanwhile purifies visitors spirits.

Perhaps he could iron out my jagged little soul.

Coming from a relatively warm winter climate in Osaka, the surprise of snow cover made Okunoin even more scenic than I had anticipated. Kevin even made me check myself when I mentioned that the constant thump and sprinkle of falling powder was like “nature’s heartbeat”. Who did I think I was? Wordsworth?

I quickly shook off my dreamy reverence for nature to take a selfie.

Even Wordsworth would have taken a selfie here.

The scale of everything here is humbling. The atmosphere is calm, refreshing, invigorating.

Regardless of the sins we were guilty of up unto this point in our lives, walking through this forest felt like a carwash for the soul.

Along the way, there were various tests of one’s goodness, the most intriguing of which being a heavy rock inside a wooden cage. If you could pick it up, you were pure of heart.

I couldn’t pick it up. No surprise there.

A truer test, however, came after Kevin and I passed by a monk in deep meditation. A classic travel photograph for many, yet I withheld my urge to take it as there was a no photo sign.

“That was very restrained of you.” Kevin noted.

The more I thought about the shot, the more tempted I was to go back and take it. “No”, Kevin gestured with a single shake of his head. He was right. Breaking the concentration of a monk in meditation in one of the holiest sites of Japan would be bad, bad thing to do.

The biggest structure here is the beastly Danjo Garan, a massive two-tiered orange temple planned by the founder, Kobo Daishi in the 9th century. It was completed after his death.

It was here that I saw the Notorious B.I.G of monks. I immediately approached him for a portrait.

I talked to him a little, took some shots, and he was on his way.

But after reviewing the shots, I wasn’t happy. I wanted a better one. So I went to fetch him and took as many shots as I needed until I was happy.

The Good Simons of the world wouldn’t have pushed their luck like this.

It was stubborn, perhaps selfish of me to make him come back and pose for a second time, but I got the shot I wanted. Sometimes you have to be a little bit selfish to get what you want. Not disrespectful, not like Hitler evil like I said earlier, just a little bit single minded in order to accomplish your goal.

It’s not a case of good or evil – it’s about following your instinct and seizing the opportunity in order to make something happen. If that brings out the devil in you, then you should bring it out to play more often.
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Neon Wilderness

December 27, 2013
No sooner had the final Autumn leaves fallen to their fiery death, than Korea’s mountains were zipped up in their powder-white body bags.

Winter maybe the harshest of seasons, yet a freshly-laid bright natural blanket offers further splendor to old spiritual areas such as Bongwonsa on Mount Ahn,

It’s sad to think of how much Buddhist architecture was destroyed by the Korean war. The temples, the artistry of the tombstones, hypnotic dances and soothing chanting seem far more welcoming and conducive to general temperament than the slew of neon red crosses atop the architecturally abominable churches that dominate the religious urban landscape in Korea.

Lured by chanting within the main temple, and despite potentially going crashing a private event, we dived into the rabbit hole.

After taking a few shots from the back of the room, the eldest of the monks brought me closer and sat me down in front of the the hypnotic dance performance unfolding inside.

After the performance, he agreed to his portrait being taken after some heavy persuasion from his friends. He then went on to tell us how he had traveled to over a hundred countries with his wife.

I asked what he had learned from his journeys. “People are the same no matter what country you visit, there are some good people and some bad people.” Hardly a statement to reach enlightenment by, but maybe it sounded better in Korean.

This guy spoke next to no English, but he could say “Manchester United”. With a thumbs raised high and eyes wide open he shouted out “ROOOONEY!“. It wasn’t exactly setting a zen mood for the younger monks as they took up their prayer positions, but maybe the elder was right.

No matter the culture or country, somethings never change.

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Korean Beauty

December 7, 2013
Like stars, leaves express themselves to their fullest before death. Like the cherry blossoms of spring, Autumn in South Korea is a glorious sight to behold as nature burns with a bright orange, yellow and red flame before the raw, cold winds course through the peninsula.

The sociable periods between the sauna heat of summer and the icy depths of winter can seem unfair in their abrupt departure. As the ice and chills of the cold, dark months descend on these lands, a leaf-crunching ramble up an inner-city mountain is a fitting way to give nature a final warm embrace before you start bitterly cursing it.

The view from the top of An San, northwest Seoul, reveals the the immense urban sprawl below. From the jagged peaks of Bukhansan National Park in the far corner of the city, your gaze follows numerous mountains rising out of the concrete jungle as the wide berth of the Han river meanders effortlessly along as if the city was mere desert sand, casually brushed to the side as it snakes through.

With it’s blend of natural beauty, modern development and historical landmarks, it’s a truly phenomenal sight that defies any expectations you may have had.from Seoul’s somewhat uninspiring ground level aesthetic.

A sunset here maybe accompanied to a soundtrack of drums and chanting from the mountain temple Bongwonsa, which, much like An San itself, maybe one of Seoul’s best kept secrets.

The beauty of this mountainside temple complex is shadowed by a dark recent history. In summer 2004, it was discovered that serial killer and cannibal Yoo Young-Cheo buried over a dozen of his victims near the temple grounds.

The ceiling of the main temple is incredible; possibly the most colorful and architecturally intricate I’ve seen in any country. The three thousand golden buddhas add to an already powerful sense of spiritual presence as they all represent the deceased. In the same temple there are also rooms containing miniature shrines, ashes and all manner of tributes – from photographs to soju shots. When you look at how young some of the people were, it’s a stark reminder of the fragility and temporal nature of life.

The overcrowded metropolis of Seoul is packed with human cattle piled into up bars, squeezed into subways, jostling on the streets; the rat race is as fast as the broadband out here.

Pit stops, thankfully, are never too far away.

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The Living Museum

October 18, 2013
“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.” – Oscar Wilde

“Horror is the removal of masks.” – Robert Bloch

Dressing up in elaborate costumes is a timeless human pursuit. You need only look at tribal adornments that are still donned today to see that it is in our primal nature to express ourselves beyond our own skin. When it comes to everyday attire, we mostly don’t stray too far into garb that will lead to ridicule. If the name of a party or event, however, the elaborate possibilities of our garments need only be limited to the theme of said occasion. On this occasion, ’twas the theme of Japanese cartoon characters.

On a trip to Kyoto, a friend and I went to check out the bi-monthly cosplay event at the Manga Museum. We were almost shunned at the door when we were told an advance booking was necessary, and in any case, we were not in costume. Fortunately, they began to take pity on our ‘last day in Kyoto’ sob story, and allowed us into one of the most bizarre Asian experiences thus far experienced.

We were the only foreigners, and the only guests out of costume. It felt as if we had broken in late at night to catch the characters of the numerous comic books on display burst from the pages and gallivant creepily yet gleefully around the premises.

Just like a fancy dress/costume party in the Western hemisphere, there was a sense of inebriation amongst those dressed as their favorite characters that may not be as fully expressed in their daily lives. They were living out a fantasy of portraying their heroes and had most probably been living vicariously through them for many a year.

Manga is known known throughout the world, mainly from its influence on animated films, television shows and video games, and also from international shows such as Pokemon and Dragon Ball Z, and classic movies such as Akira and Ghost in the Shell. What astounds you as you walk through the library of aging paperbacks is the sheer volume of the them. This was just scratching the surface of what is circulating out here in the Far East, as nearby China and South Korea is a fiend for this type of escapism too. Rummaging around the aisles, the work that jumped out was a series entitled ‘Bastard!’.

Cosplayers are serious about their posing. Some of them had hired professional photographers to follow them around the museum, and their stances had been meticulously rehearsed. The dame below led me behind her for a good five minutes before she could find the one glove that would be appropriate to strike a signature pose with.

The group below were so serious about their role playing, that they didn’t appear to be having fun. Maybe they were carrying the weight of their respective characters’ emotions on their shoulders; past grievances bought upon them, with the spirit of vengeance stirring with each emo glance to the camera. At least that’s what I was going for. Awkward.

There was an obvious sense of distance from our fellow guests, what with being out of costume and all. We had only come as ourselves, and as such, not really in the spirit of the event. I’d never felt so underdressed wearing so many layers of clothes. On the other hand, we too were an oddity: westerners. With camera in hand, we could have been anyone – journalists covering the event or overseas otakus on a pilgrimage to the mecca of Manga. The reality was, we were tourists. Yet they welcomed our advances to pose with them and marvel perplexedly at their curious pastime.

On reflection, it seems these fancy dressers may not be so strange after all. The majority of us have and will continue to dress up in rags portraying our childhood cartoon heroes, movie idols or attempt to look much scarier than we do in our otherwise harmless and conservatively dressed lives. Occasions such as Halloween provide the perfect excuse to express ourselves to the fullest, not least interact with each other more openly while wearing a mask. How often have you found that it’s far easier to get along with random costume wearers on a boozy night out compared to people you might see everyday at work?

Asians are more attached than most to their fictional characters. Relationships can be different out here.And yeah, going to a cosplay event at night in a museum is creepy. It’s hella creepy. It’s also as essential a way to experience Japanese culture as visiting a temple, watching sumo or eating sushi.

http://www.kyotomm.jp/english/
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Beijing Fling

July 15, 2013
Taking 3 months out from South Korea toward the tropics of Southeast Asia, I decided to get a taste of China by passing through Beijing for the 72 hour visa-free pass. I got a full two days to roam around once i’d thrown off the backpack, the first stop being the Great Wall. Avoiding the mass of tourists, I headed to the lesser-frequented ‘Jinshanling to Simatai’ route, where, just like nearby Korea, the blossoms were out in force.

I shared the hike with two Swedish backpackers, both by the name of ‘Anthon’, who showed me the art of ‘Vadering‘ – levitational strangling; a thorough misuse of the the force.

I expected Beijing to be a chaotic, bustling mass of human and vehicular traffic, so I was surprised to stroll around a calm and peaceful inner city. Coming from the overpopulated environ of Seoul, Beijing was unexpectedly unhurried, especially for the capital of a rising economic giant.

The suicide-netted Apple factories must lay elsewhere.

Towards the the end of the first day, my stroll had turned into a jog, which in turn developed into a full on sprint through the dark alleys, repeatedly stopping to ask for directions to the kung fu class i wanted to drop in on.

The route had been diverted due to nearby construction so I arrived sweating profusely, missing my warm up. Still, the thrill of being taught the slightest bit of Wu Shu by a Shaolin monk was worth lung busting effort to get there.

Afterwards, I walked slowly through the backlit alleys. Territorial dogs remained silent, their eyes recognizing the ancient fire in mine; brimming with the ferocity of a dragon warrior. I was Bruce Lee. I was Jet Li. I was, of course, greatly over-romanticizing the fact that i merely had a one hour sparring session with other foreigners.

The Chinese are well-known for incorporating anything with a pulse into their daily diet. Almost any large insect can be found skewered and ready to munch near the tourist areas in Beijing, where you can chow on anything from live scorpions to seahorses.

There are large scorpions…

..even bigger spiders…or…

…sheep penis….anybody for sheep penis? No? Just me?

Donkey meat. It sounds wrong, but tastes like roast beef.

I accidentally ordered two meals so had to take a donkey bag home.

My second of two full days started with a visit to see Mao‘s embalmed corpse. He’s been dead since 1976, so as you can imagine, he’s looking a little waxy. Mao presided over China and was attributed to one of the worst genocides in recorded history. Despite that, his lifeless corpse is treated like a god. It was interesting to see hordes of young people bringing flowers to his tomb – it shows his strong spiritual presence is still felt in China today.

Next, the Tibetan Lama temple.

I eschewed the Forbidden City in favor of this more engaging cultural landmark . It’s absolutely stunning, and is filled with incense wielding worshippers.

After i burned an incense hole in my jacket (taking a photo) and got hit in the face with flowers by a monk (for taking a photo of him), i realized it was time to put the camera away and leave with the little karma i had intact.

If you saw a man looking at a tunnel ceiling, moon walking on his own in New York or London, you’d label him insane. Anywhere in East Asia though, and it’s obviously a Tai Chi-related exercise. One would hope.

En route to see the Olympic Stadium, I passed by the Beijing International Film Festival. I went to ask about tickets but was having trouble with the security guards. At that moment, Gigo Lee, a Hong Kong cinematographer, tells me that it’s (a) the day before the festival starts and (b) you can’t show up to a film festival without an invite or pre-booked ticket.

Worth a shot though.

It was possible, however, to watch the film stars outside the cinema. The girl above was being snapped by five or six professionals, and then one amateur.

Although at night, the stadium at night looks surreal in the photos i’ve seen, being the architectural marvel that it is (as is the Aquatics center, above), it was no less a feast for the eyes in daylight – especially when you have some interesting locals to add to the mix.

I’m sure that it gets much busier and smoggier on certain days, but in my short visit, I never saw the pollution entrenched hell hole that the news media constantly portrays.

Anti-dystopic headlines seemingly don’t churn much of a profit when it comes to coverage of China.

Man goes to Beijing. Has a good time. Who would ever read that?
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The Randy Shop

May 9, 2013
Nestled in among the multistorey comic book shops, video game arcades and electronic stores lies a similarly devoted specialty shop. In the Nipponbashi district of Osaka, Japan, the multilevel sex shop is seems nondescript at first glance. Whether for covertness or a lack of stigma, it blends in with it’s surrounding environment.

Yet this isn’t your run-of-the-mill smut store; Japan does nothing by halves. Six floors of sexual wish fulfillment await you here. Whatever draws you in, you’ll be sure of a cultural experience not long forgotten.

For those of you that won’t make it to this distant land, allow me to give you the tour.

If some of Japan’s street vending machines seem convenient, the used underwear disposers here are a god-send to those of you who enjoy a the scent of a woman. Bumper packs are available if you become a fan of a particular girl next door.

Strolling around the toy section, and later on the DVD section, it becomes apparent that Sadomasochistic devices and torture porn are a popular attraction. The East Asian demeanor appears so etiquette-rich and conservative. Coming into a store like this is like entering the dark corridors of the psyche. Except once inside, everything is well-lit, multicolored and completely uninhibited. Every floor was permeated with the sound of high-pitched violation, where videos displayed women struggling to take every inch of the well-renowned enormity of the Japanese meat cleaver.

Do you find yourself going through more lube than milk? Save yourself the back-and-forth to the randy shop and buy yourself a canister. You should be good for the whole week.

The schoolgirl uniform is understandably appealing on a fully grown woman. It can project a youthful and vibrant look to the wearer. Typically, a Japanese schoolgirl will have a longer dress than the ones shown, although girls like to roll them up. The Kuu doll, above, isn’t designed for the man who likes an older woman. It isn’t even designed for the man who likes a real female. Judge not, however, because the schoolgirls of this country are sexperimental too. Eyelids, doorknobs, and seemingly anything else are up for a good licking.

Women’s needs are well-catered for here. Above is a mould of a porn star’s fingers. Below are ‘DIY’ gloves, that come in a variety of braille-like patterns.

The final level of the store is perhaps the most specialized. If you have seen or heard about Two Girls One Cup, then you will know what i’m talking about. If you thought you had seen it all after that, it is, in fact, only the very tip of the iceberg. There’s a whole section devoted to the fecal arts and beyond.

The fact that this sex store is amongst the comic book shops and maid cafes is not coincidental, and the same stores are also found in the similar Tokyo’s Akihabara. Sex and shopping have seemingly never been more intertwined, and Japan is a place where shopping for porn and comic books are not always mutually exclusive purchases. Yet with the Tenga male sex toy range being sold openly in Japan’s clothes and music stores, this is a country not shy to provide it’s citizens with the necessities, and also the extremes of their desires.

Want more Secret Map? Tumble further down the rabbit hole on Facebook.
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Of Men and Monkeys

March 3, 2013
“Why do you care about monkeys so much” asked my Kyoto-based Couchsurfing host.

It was a good question, and one i hadn’t thought about too much before. I mean, the answer seemed obvious enough – monkeys are awesome. Little furry people who chuck poo and cause mischief.

Who doesn’t want a pet monkey? I mean, in the purely ideological sense being that they would become a sort of friend/servant, ignoring the logistical issues of defecation-hurling, possible face-mauling and general abuse of their natural rights. Surely everyone wanted a little monkey buddy?

Meeting my friend, Kevin, and ambling up the steep incline of Arishiyama Monkey Park, i felt a tingle upon reading that we were going to see Snow Monkeys,which i’d first been introduced to by the film Baraka.

I also learned, from the above sign, that the monkey park was not only a monkey. Interesting. Perhaps the birds and deer know more about this.

Expressions, particularly eye gesticulations, make monkeys so special in their relevance to humans. The feeling that they have so much internal cognition and would verbally express it in an instant if only they knew how. You could see this emotive twinkle in many of their faces, that desire to explain their current state of mind. A quick glance at their furrowed brow and knowing glare and I knew what they were thinking. It was: “Feed me, tourist, or get the fuck off my mountain.”

Although wild, they choose to spend their time in and around the park, which provides them with a panoramic view of their balder cousins’ urbane dwelling below.

Visitors are able to feed the roaming furballs by stepping into a caged hut and passing them nuts from the inside, in a reverse zoo perspective.

Interestingly, i noticed that if you make a ‘surprised’ expression, some of them will emulate it, aping the exact same face you make. This is wondrous up until the second time you try it, after which it attempts to rip your face off.At that point, you give the monkey it’s nut before you become a marked man on the outside.

Have we evolved much since life in the trees? Of course – in developing language, architecture, medicine, technology and countless other endeavors humanity has created for itself a world far beyond what any other living earthling has. Yet upon observing the snow monkeys and their microcosmic fights for food and territory, it seemed that many things haven’t and may never change. Maybe we’ve just made more distractions for ourselves this man-made matrix we define as reality. No matter how far we think we, as a species have come, we can’t ignore the fact that we carry with us much of our inherited animal nature.

As Kevin and I were seduced that day by the simple life of the simian, as is so often is the case in our own society, it became a matter of monkey see, monkey do.
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Kansianara

February 16, 2013
Back in Japan. A week doesn’t seem enough time. It is. If you do it right.

First stop: Nara.

The ancient capital of Japan is thankfully underrated. With seemingly more free-roaming deer than tourists, our accommodation was reminiscent of an old samurai film, a century-old building with a zen garden at the center.

The Shinto religion tells that everything has a spirit, from trees to animals. The deer that inhabit Nara are thought to be guardians from the spirit world. I’m sure i read that somewhere.

Korea-based expat blog Kimchibytes noted that on his trip to Nara he felt like the lead character, Link, in the Super Nintendo classic Legend of Zelda 3: A Link to the Past. Only one of my favorite games of all time. This excited me.

Nara is Zelda come to life. From the huge, ancient temples and mystical forests , to the weathered, wooden houses. I had the game’s soundtrack in my head the whole time i was there.

The furry protection racket demand treats for their duty. The baby below was a constant source of harassment to the ice cream lady. Do deer even like ice cream?

Osaka: From the past to the future, we arived at Umeda, the business district of Osaka, and checked into a capsule hotel for New Years Eve. Comparable to a 1970s vision of a giant spaceship, or an endless set of microwave ovens. The most expensive accommodation of the trip only served us with one hour sleep, but is a quintessential Japan experience.

The Shinsekai area of Osaka gave us a rough greeting.

Tired and hungover, we proceeded to get misdirected around what we discovered to be the most unscrupulous neighborhood of the city. Had the zombie apocalypse begun? It seemed every homeless, mentally retarded and alcoholic chap in Japan was sent to roam the streets as we haplessly searched for our hotel.

A wine vending machine. Wino country.

We learned that we were staying near the red light district, Tobata Shinchi. The above picture shows a typical layout of a booth. A girl in custom attire (nurse/schoolgirl/bookworm) will sit among cartoon-themed cushions, while her elder female haggler will strike the deals from the edge of the doorway.

Tobata shinchi is expansive, police guard every corner, and it is a must-see for anyone, locals and tourists alike.

If you take a 180 degree turn from the hookers and homeless, you start on a neon-lit path of the biggest stretch of entertainment that surely exists anywhere in the world. The sensory-overload of a walk from Shinsekei to Shinsaibashi at night brought on a headache due to the mixture of high-pitched “moshi moshi” from store girls and seemingly never ending visual assaults from all angles.

Amongst the chaos, just off the divide of Dottonburi and Shinsaibashi is Amerikamura, where Osaka’s U.S. hip hop-influenced youth come to buy into the dress code of an 80s New York rapper. In one of the more authentic hip hop record shops, i found a jacket which i thought my youngest students would die for. They are obsessed with ninjas and the cutsey nickname/insult i throw at them is ‘crazy bees’. The store sold a jacket that read: “Attack Like a Samurai, Kill Like Crazy Bee”. Turns out that this excited me a lot more than them on showing them the picture.

The three shots above were taken from the most interesting karaoke bar i’ve had the pleasure to embarrass myself at in Asia. I’ll just let your imagination do the talking with this one.

Ordering on the telecom was a first, as our new friend Yoko showed us the delights of fried anything-you-want on a stick, or kushikatsu.

Above is the tantalizing Takoyaki, aka octopus balls, another Osaka specialty.

Below is the Okonmiyaki, this one from Kyoto, and was every bit as delicious as it looks. Your mouth is watering now, right?

My return to Kyoto delivered cosplay, monkeys, and this dapper cape an hat-donned gentleman.

Needless to say, there’s a lot on offer in Japan.

Even if you have only a wee while to spare.
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BIG IN JAPAN

February 15, 2013
Big in Japan: A Link to the Future is a series of three short films I made over one week during a trip to the Kansai area of Japan.

After making an impromptu biking video last summer, I felt compelled to make a film about one of my friends who featured in it, Kevin, along with his big hair. Kevin: The Movie didn’t get made, but since he came with me to Japan, this seemed like the next best thing.

Part One starts as a hyperactive music video with an 8-bit video game soundtrack by the Japanese producer DJ Krush, before moving into 16-bit territory as i try to recreate one of my favorite games from childhood, The Legend of Zelda 3: A Link to the Past (hence where the title comes from). The last two tracks are from that game and the footage was shot in and around the free-roaming deer-filled city of Nara.

Part Two turns down the tempo pays homage to the Buddhist and Shinto religions that are ingrained into the culture of the country, before switching to the walls of neon of Osaka at night, which give the feeling of being in a sci-fi film.

Part Three takes us to a private cosplay event at the Kyoto Manga Museum, and Tobata Shinchi, Osaka’s notorious red light district. The cosplay event was by far the most creepy of the two. Stanley Kubrick had to be evoked for the opening capsule hotel scene in Umeda, Osaka’s business district and the latter stages of that scene may or may not have been shot after a couple shots of sake before heading out for New Years Eve. The video finishes up at Arishiyama bamboo grove and monkey park.
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